Reindeer Costumes for cars

                 What the fuck posseses someone to put "antlers" and a big red fucking ball on the grill of their car? I hate this more then when people put a wreath on the grill of their car, complete with a set of blinking lights! We all know your not driving a reindeer, so you can take the bullshit down! No matter what you do, your never going to be able to disguise the fact that you are driving a Ford Focus you dick!

Truck Nutz

                

               As if your big, diesel, super cool, double duty truck isn't obnoxious enough, you then decide to hang saggy testicles from the truck. Good Job! Nothing screams class more then the most unattractive male organ shaking around on your hitch! Those balls look great with the "Bada Bing" stripper sticker on your back window! The contradiction must make women flock to you!
               Why in god's name would you put these on your vehicle? What message are you trying to send? That your truck is fast? I am fully aware that your super cool truck has a hemi and that it's faster than my four cylinder Honda.  Are you trying to make people aware that your truck belongs to a man? I'm pretty sure that awesome "drive it like you stole it" bumper sticker, and the fact that you tailgated an elderly woman for 3 miles gave everyone a pretty good idea of your gender!
           Do you want to know the message that all these "manly" truck decorations are sending out? They prove that you are an inconsiderate, chauvinistic pig. They solidify the fact that you have an extremely small penis because obviously your hemi couldn't make up for all the "man power" you are lacking. They also confirm that you are in fact a homosexual. Anyone who has to try this hard to prove how much of a "man" they are is obviously hiding something. You can come out of the closet it's 2010, it's accepted now!
              I'm going to start taking them off people's vehicles. When you go outside and your balls are gone..I TOOK THEM!!!!!! 


What every guy wants. Saggy balls!



I don't know whats worse, the balls or the Bush bumper sticker.

The Holiday Village

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news%2Flocal&id=7816254

Please watch the video clip from ABC in order to fully understand why I hate the holiday village.

             These politically correct assholes should all jump off a cliff. I hate all of them! Why does everyone have a such a problem with the word Christmas these days? In school it's no longer a Christmas party, its a holiday party, and the kids eat holiday cookies. In stores the cashier MUST say "Happy Holidays" not "Merry Christmas". Fuck that! Whats next? Does some other jerk off want to complain because Santa is at the mall? It wouldn't surprise me at all! Go ahead..take Santa away from the kids because your jealous that your religion doesn't have a cool old guy in a velvet suit!
              If people have such a problem with the word Christmas then don't shop at stores that advertise it! Better yet, go back to your "home land" so you and your religion can live happily ever after, far far away from the word Christmas! Why does everything have to be so political all the time? Why cant things just be fun? I thought that this was a free country! When Raahi pumps my gas once a week, I never tell him that his turban offends me. Despite the fact that it smells like gasoline, curry, and sweat I never say a word. I don't make a stink when I go to Cherry Hill and see stores that have Hanukkah bushes all lit up with blue lights. Do you want to know why I don't say anything? Because I don't fucking care! I have better things to do then sit around and make phone calls to City Hall about a bush, Raahi's turban, and a fucking $100.00 arch way in front of City Hall. FA LA LA LA LA!

MOIST!!

        
            Why why why why why why does this word exist??????? It is a disgusting sexual word that people mainly use to describe food, OF ALL THINGS! Every time people use this word I feel violated.
"Did you eat a moist cookie?" VIOLATED
"This chicken is great, the thighs are so moist." VIOLATED
"The humidity made the sheets to moist" VIOLATED
            EWWWWWWWWW! There are better words that can be used such as:
clammy, dampish, dank, dewy, dripping, irriguous, muggy, not dry, soggy, or humid. ANY word is better then moist so STOP USING IT!

Eww

Down right repulsive

Why would you want your hair to be moist?

If my hand was covered in a germ that caused a flesh eating disease..I still wouldn't use this!

I hate Flo!

           

           Remember Mrs. Butterworth? She was the syrup bottle that talked to kids while they were eating breakfast. Remember the Dunkin Donuts commercial, with the little mustache man who yelled "time to make the doughnuts"? Remember the Budweiser frogs that croaked Budweiser? Remember the Taco Bell chihuahua (Yo Quiero Taco Bell)? As annoying as all of those commercials were at one time, I realize how much I miss them when Flo pops up on my television screen.

            Flo from progressive insurance commercials is an annoying character who's lines are horribly written and poorly delivered! She isn't charming, she doesn't have any catchy lines, and she doesn't talk to me while I'm eating a warm plate of pancakes. Can someone please explain why people like her? She looks like a scary porcelain doll, she plays an idiot, and she wears a fucking apron. What is the attraction?  More importantly, why the fuck is an insurance representative wearing an apron!?

Sarah Palin

Enough Said

Thanksgiving comes before Christmas!!!!!!!!!!

        

         STOP DECORATING YOUR HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS BEFORE THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are people pushing Christmas with all the frigging decorations? Does everyone understand that the whole month of December is filled with reckless drivers, hectic stores, and spoiled rotten kids demanding shit from Santa? Why the hell are people rushing this holiday?  Where are the Pilgrim and Indian decorations? Where are the hand turkeys that the kids make in school? Are parents even teaching their kids about how the Pilgrims used the Indians for their knowledge, fed them a big dinner, and then killed all them all? This is important shit that these kids need to know!

         Honestly, I only like Thanksgiving because I get to stuff my face and not feel guilty, but Thanksgiving is the calm before the storm. So everyone should keep their tacky lawn ornaments in the garage, their Christmas trees in the attic, and their Christmas spirit up their ass. Just until the day AFTER Thanksgiving AT LEAST!

This is what Christmas involves!

Reebok EasyTone

       I don't know about everyone else, but I canceled my gym membership and bought a pair of easy tone sneakers! All I have to do is put on my magic shoes and I'm instantly 30 pounds thinner.

       People really will buy anything won't they? What hilarious to me is that studies have shown that these shoes are no different from any other shoe. They DO NOT make your ass, calves, hamstrings, or any other muscle firmer! You just pay more money for them, and walk around looking like an asshole because your trying not to fall over all day!

       Oh and by the way...there is now EasyTone clothing (dead serious)! The clothing contains elastic bands which will tone muscles in your back and torso. This is so exciting! Every woman just loves a nice comfy elastic band outfit, and rocking horse shoes!!!



Before EasyTone

15 minutes After EasyTone

SLOW CASHIERS......A letter to Larry



Larry.

           Dear Larry,

Thank you so much for making me stand in line for 15 minutes while you tried to

figure out the code for a free turkey. I really appreciate how inconsiderate you

were when you held up the line because you didn't want to ask your supervisor

 for help. I was so thrilled to watch you drool over your register keys, and I was

 ecstatic when you took your glasses off and cleaned them while you were thinking

 of the codes. When I clean my glasses it helps me remember things too.

    In my fit of joy over your excellent customer service,I forgot to tell you that

Pathmark offers a great vision plan and you should try getting a pair of glasses

that actually go behind your ears. It was so nice spending time with you. Have a great Thanksgiving.

Go to hell,

Michelle Ann



Window Famlies should be banished!

          As if Calvin pissing on the Eagles symbol wasn't enough, we now have these marvelous stick families to stare at while driving! Why do people do this? Why should I give a shit about Tammy playing baseball, and Timmy playing the guitar? Why do you feel the need to advertise how many people are in your family? Is it so I can keep score as I ram your fucking Volvo off of a cliff?
          There is no need to fuck up your back windows with this shit. Trust me, we all know you have kids based on the smashed french fries, and snot marks that are covering your windows. Take this shit down. NOBODY FUCKING CARES!



I need this!



Today Show goes viral!

http://www.urlesque.com/2010/11/15/today-show-a-cappella-dynamite-viral-week/

Is this supposed to be funny? At one point in this train wreck Al Rocker is eating a banana, and Ann Curry is holding a lamp. I don't know what the purpose of this is, but I do know that these people make waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much money.

Royal Engagement!

Prince William and Kate Middleton announced their engagement today.gbfhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj oh sorry I just fell asleep on my keyboard. Who fucking cares about these two idiots. My bet is that they'll be divorced by June 2012. 

Inconvenienced at the airport? Shove it!

       To all the people that are bitching about the "intrusive" x-ray machines  at the airport; SHUT THE HELL UP! These machines are put in the airports for OUR safety. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be on a plane while the guy next to me is trying to detonate his underpants. I'd rather let the "intrusive" x-ray machine find that little surprise.
       Men and women in the armed forces die every day while they are overseas fighting for OUR freedom, and protecting OUR country; but it is every one's responsibility to do their part in the fight against terrorism. If standing in an x-ray machine for one minute is such an inconvenience for you, and so unfair then maybe you should meet someone that lost a loved one on September 11th,  or a mother who lost her son to the war. If standing in an x-ray machine is so intrusive, then maybe you should speak to a soldier who lost his leg while fighting for your freedom. Better yet, how about you get on a cargo plane (no intrusive x-ray required), and get dumped off in the middle of the desert in Iraq and sleep in a tent for 6 months. Every night you can be rocked to sleep by the vibrations of bombs dropping in the distance. I bet you'll wish you were in an "inconvenient" x-ray machine then.
       Shut your mouth, and Do your part. No one wants to see whats under your clothes anyway, so don't flatter yourself!